My big brother, my saviour
A hot Austrian day. I remember the seagulls of the Danube singing songs for freedom. These beautiful winged beasts are so harshly misunderstood. I remember on that hot Danube day, I felt close to them. I had fed on the scraps of a broken marriage. It was time for Doro to be free.
My wife had taken our children away. I told her the truth. I came out, and she took our gifts to the world away from me. I was irresponsible. I was a liar. I was the lowest of the low. My truth, my reality, made me a foul creature. I was left alone in a hotel room. Alone to find who I am.
What they said would happen did happen. Those who knew told me that life would be very lonely for me. They were right. I lost everything.
Although, there were small nuggets of hope in those early transition years. Little breaks in the clouds. Eyes in the storm that opened wider with every encounter. A regrouping of a dispersed hope.
My brother Yuri is my best friend. If ever we were to meet and you asked me what my favourite memory of him and I was, I would keep you for hours and smile wider with every story. We spent our youth in revolt. He and I were as close as siblings could be. We stole apples from orchards together, and we would ride horses through the fields. He called me his sister discretely since we were fifteen.
As I type this, I feel the gushing flow of love through my veins. I do so adore my big brother. My parents named him Yuri after Yuri Gagarin. My father believed one day that he would reach the great heights of Gagarin, and as usual, my father was right. I am proud.
It was two years after my coming out. I was at the threshold of thirty. I had brought Doro to light and wasn’t keeping her to myself. The world would know me. I was here. I was true to my heart. I was not out of the woods.
My marriage had reached its first fever pitch. My wife would scream at me, and I would let her. I felt I owed her reparations. By transitioning, I had committed a war crime in the battle of love. I owed it to her, or so I thought.
We were on our annual trip to Batumi, Georgia. We went as a family. A whole…
...to be continued.